I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
