hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
