I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
