How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
