How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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