he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
