the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My pussy is not your playground.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
