I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
