So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
