The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
