My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
