I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's great music for shaving your balls
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
