BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
