Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
