What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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