Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
