I just threw up on my dentist
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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