How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
