The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
