Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
