Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
