I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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