Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
