If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
