I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
