We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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