Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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