How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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