he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
