I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
