so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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