I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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