I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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