Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
