i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
