no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
