all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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