The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
whose parrot is this?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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