I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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