So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
