can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
