just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
