I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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