Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
