so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
