just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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