alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
