Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
