u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
