You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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