I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
