i wish my penis had a tongue
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
