My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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